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If it made sense, or it was easy, or it wasn’t soul-splittingly uncomfortable, there would be no propulsion forward, towards marriage or otherwise. Uncertainty is the soil of the Psalms (Psalm ; 88:3).Uncertainty in dating propels us forward with purpose. Uncertainty dangles us from our ankles and reveals all of the unspoken (and often ungrounded) expectations hanging loose in the pockets of our faith: You don’t need to pretend you haven’t thought those things — like you haven’t wanted to say those things to God, to other Christians — like you haven’t preached those things over and over again to your own heart. The uncertainty of dating peels back the floorboards of our presumptuous theologies — our crystallized ideas about what God for us — and shines the light on all the threats beneath the otherwise comfortable world we live in: “Those who once feasted on delicacies perish in the streets” (Lamentations 4:5). The uncertainty of dating is a microcosm of the otherwise forgotten truth: Life is uncertain.When couples move past the awkward first-date phase of a relationship, many face a new and unsettling tension between strong romantic feelings and the reality that they are not yet married.
The risks are higher, the vulnerability deeper, and the losses greater.
Indulging in anxiety in a dating relationship is like indulging in back-seat driving: It only makes everyone else more nervous and annoyed and doesn’t actually contribute anything positive.